It's something like being alone in a crowded room.

There hasn't been any specific attack or wrong-doing on anyone's part or anything to give me a reason to think that something is wrong, but I just don't feel like I belong here anymore, and to be completely honest, this feeling isn't anything new, it's just that's a feeling that's pretty much spread across the board now. At first it was just with a few people. Like I said, there wasn't anything specific that happened, but something was missing, and it's finally down to a few very specific people that I feel like I actually belong with, and as much as it sucks, and as much as it seriously breaks my heart, I can say with heart everything I used to stand against, sometimes people just drift apart. I've been on the other side of that statement, so I can see why some people might feel hurt by that, but trust me, you'll realize it's what it is eventually. And don't get me wrong, I've got no problem seeing any of these people anymore, and am all for still hanging out with them, but I just feel like that extra wheel, whatever number you want to call it, and tonight it was the 5th wheel. There's nothing I would like more than to see everything and everyone go back to "how it used to be" but I know that not only is it not possible, it isn't practical or even for the better of anything or anyone.
A while ago someone kind of mentioned that they felt like "the old Chris" checked out when I found out I was going to Flagstaff and I didn't really agree with it at first; at all, but I completely see it now. Not only that, but there are so many things pointing me away from everything in my past, and again, not in a malicious or bitter way, just at a new life, a new future, which is scary, because that whole new thing is something I can't see because I can't predict the future. And maybe "moving on" is just a lame cliche for looking for something new, but there's such a huge world out there full of so many absolutely incredible people, which is really exciting, becuase I won't lie, my friends, yes, even though there's distance they're still my friends, are thorough bred badasses, and knowing more people just as badass, if not more badass, is pretty badass. That's count 'em, THREE badasses in one paragraph. WOW!
'Nuff said.
And maybe people feel like I'm using Flagstaff as an escape method because "it isn't that far" but realisically, I won't be able to hang out with Phoenix people all the time. I'm going to be going to school, and working, and working on getting back in practice for voice lessons, and people will go about their lives here in Phoenix. It isn't anything awful, it's life.
This blog is in no way a "good bye" to anyone, or a subtle way of saying to leave me alone, but is definitely a way to explain why I feel so distant lately or seem kind of detatched.