"... it doesn't make it any better ..."

My best days may be behind me. And, I might not ever quite fit in like I did, and want to. I don't mean fit in, "assimilate" or anything super heavy like that, I mean just have a core group of friends to go to. I might not ever have the feeling of knowing I've got someone I can call to hang out with or talk to all of the time. I know I've talked quite a bit about these topics on here lately, but they've been on my mind, the front of my mind, almost constantly since I came up here. I try to tell myself that once you get over it, accept the facts, things will get easier but that hasn't been the case.
I'll end like I do a lot.
Maybe it's that you're in Mexico, Flg is a ghost town, and you aren't talking to me. Maybe my jeans are too small. Maybe the coffee was too weak. Whatever the case may be, I'm having to fight harder and harder every day.


P.S.
I didn't make the music education program; again. I don't have any specifics yet, but they did mention that they felt I should stick with the BA program. I'm going to send out an email to the entire voice facutly just to get some answers, reasons, and clarification on things before I make any decisions.

A little morbid, but it's cool.

So here I go, it's been on my head for a solid year and a half now, and been my main thought process for about a year and a half or so, all of this is so trivial.
Every single happening, interaction, going about in the world is just to pass the time until we die, essentially. This is terribly morbid and what have you, but it's been my complete mind set for a while now. I find it creeping in almost every aspect of my life, no matter what I'm doing, and as a result, it's completely shattered my faith, among other things.
There really isn't much more to this right now, or maybe in general, and I really think my thought process could change, but that's this for now.