I guess I can get a little sappy sometimes

I want to be able to give someone a hug and never have to let go. I want to lay down in a bed next to someone and that's all. I want to feel the warmth of someone else when it's cold. I want to cuddle, and hold hands, and all those sappy things that I like to make fun of. I want someone who will do all the little geeky things I do for my friends. I want someone to notice all the little things. I want someone to call me and say, "hey, I was just calling to see how your day was going." or stop by, just to stop by.
It's kind of lame that I'm 21 years old and still haven't gone on a real date, haven't had a real kiss, never held hands, never cuddled, never put my arm around someone during a movie, never laid in bed with someone, and never had anyone in my life as more than just a friend. I know I can be a big goofball sometimes, and I've kind of always said I don't want to have anything to do with most of these things, but over the years I've really started wanting all of these to be a part of my life. Sure, good things come to those who wait, but seems a little ridiculious, ya know?
I guess that was all for this one.
Right now I'd even just settle for a hug with both arms.

Just an observation

I've noticed that as I get older I learn that the term "best friend" goes far beyond fun text messages and good conversation. "Best friend" means still being friends after the awkward nights and weeks without talking. "Best friends" don't have to hang out every single night and talk every single day. And even though I know all of this, through experience and spoken word, I can get shaken to the core in an instant after anything less than awesome. And I know this isn't a characteristic to be proud of, it's a part of me and that's that. I'm insecure and I need reassurance ocassionally. I'm needy and like to talk on the phone sometimes. And I'm a sucker for hanging out, so I can take it kind of personally sometimes if I don't get to see my friends very much, or if it's anything less than awesome. All of these are aspects of my personality that I would love to change but no one is perfect, and in my opinion, these aren't really flaws, just things that make me who I am.
I know that I might seem a little clingy, or almost even "high maintenance", but to the that have put up with these little quirks of mine, I seriously want you to know how much it absolutely means to me. I love all of my friends with all of my heart, but especially a few friends that have stuck around over all of these years and all of my non-sense.
And I know that I've posted blogs like this before, and I never want my words to lose their meaning by saying it so much, but I also want to make sure I always let people how much they mean to me. I don't ever want to die without someone knowing what they mean to me.

And on a not so fun topic. There are some times and events and situations in life that cause relationships to drift apart. It isn't always personal, sometimes it's just time for a new chapter in life. I don't know specifically what the future holds in store, but I do know that this next year, calendar and school year, is going to bring a LOT of changes in my life and the life of the people around me. And I'm going to need to tell myself that some things happen in life aren't personal and I'll need to reassure myself a lot that "best friends" are still there after a few weird patches. I might need some reassurance from you too, you being whoever you are reading this, but you in a more specific sense, you as a few specific people who absolutely mean the world to me.

Sorry for such a lengthy post, but I had a lot to get out I guess.

Love (seriously),
Chris

Oh random late night mediocre poetry

And I don't care where I go anymore
Because I'm out of my house and you're off of my mind
And for a few more miles I'll get that funny tan
-and sing out loud to all the songs that break my heart
-and lay my hat on the ground and let my hair get messy
Because today could've been the greatest but my passenger seat was empty
And today could've been the greatest but there was no one to sing with
And I don't care where I go anymore
-Or how much gas I waste
Because I'm out of my house but all alone (I know, it's really not that serious, right?)
And if I disappear for a while, tell me you'll still be there
-But if not, that's the way it goes, right?
(Friday the 9th or something)

There's something that's got my stomach in knots
Something about this month
And it's more than the funny tan-lines and wrinkled backs of shirts
And something about this month doesn't seem quite right
Something more than already warm evening drives and sleeping on the floor
And it's spring break season
An inevitable prelude to the summer
-And we all know what that means and it isn't looking too good
But we all told ourselves and the ones we love that it's for the best
And that someday all of this would make sense
-This is all worth it someday, right?
Well you're no exception to that and neither am I
And if I disappear for a while, maybe we can put that to the test
And maybe
-Just maybe
I can finally put you to rest
And everything about this town that haunts me like a ghost
-And I know that's about as cliche as that Brand New line
But some things are said over and over for a reason
(March 11th)

Oh Friday, you kill me so bad. Summer's defo here in full effect.

The past few Fridays have really got to me for some reason. Today was payday, so it was my day to wake up fairly early in my books, and get stuff done. Did the usual routine, got my paycheck, deposited it, payed the car loan, and then went to GCC for a while and then went to coffee. After all that was finished I was done, so I should've gone home probably, but it was barely after noon, and the weather has been incredible so far today, a little warm by March standards, but still, a really nice day to be out and it seriously broke my heart. There's nothing I'd rather do on a day like this than just spend time with someone, and I'm not using the work "someone" to be vague, but just seriously someone. It's kind of funny that the days that should be absolutely amazing are the days that really get to me.