Freaking Dashboard.

I bet at least a quarter that you can relate to this, and I'm pretty sure this just comes with the territory of being a twenty-something year old. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one in this boat, I just happen to be one of the people talking about it so much. Just because I say things over and over, my words might get a little old after a while but it doesn't mean they aren't still applicable or a big deal to me. Flagstaff, and NAU, and everything about it is getting better, but I'm realizing more and more everyday that I've really got no idea who I am, or if I ever did really know who I am. I got kind of ridiculious with my thought process this weekend especially. But with all of the over the top stuff aside, everything that went through my mind isn't that out of line. I came up here with the mind set that I can kind of fit in with anyone I came across. I'm someone who can generally make conversation, and make the best of the time I have with most anyone, but that's the problem. I'm fitting in to make the conversation happen, or make the best of time spent. And although it isn't on any drastic or massive level, it's enough that over the years it's been enough shifting here and there that there isn't much of a foundation left anymore. Essentially I've become one of the greatest, or worst actors alive. There's a kind of level of FAKE that's become me almost. And as unfriendly as people can be sometimes, for the most part, people aren't dumb; they can see when someone isn't quite as real and confident as they try to put off. The goofy exterior and off-the-wall outfits and short shorts and obnoxious music are all fun and definitely what I indentify with, but the clothes, or the music, don't make the man. The man makes the music and the clothes and the laugh and everything that goes along with that.

Good ol' Myspace surveys. Do you like your personality?I really couldn't tell you right now, but I do know that eventually I'm going to be one of the most amazing people out there. I am going to get this right someday. It might not be today, tomorrow, this week, this month, or even this year, whatever is left of it. But I'll be able to trust God enough to let go of all of these insecurities keeping me trapped within myself. And as over the top and dramatic as that last statement might've sounded, I can firmly say that I do mean that with all of my heart.

Sleep with all the lights on. You're not so happy, you're not secure. And you're dying to look cute in your bluejeans, but you're plastic just like everyone, just like everyone....Sleep with all the sheets off, bearing your mattress, bearing your soul. And you're dying to look smooth in your tattoos, but you're searching just like everyone could be anyone.

My spirit is willing

but my flesh is so weak. And I stand to say that I believe in everything you are but I never make it off the ground and don't get anything more than a whisper out; afraid of cutting ties from a world that doesn't understand you.

Debbie Downer.

I’ve circle navigated this town for years
And stared past the stars
And ate up every word to every song we ever sang together
Hoping to make sense out of all of this
And everything you ever said and never said
While trying all the while to get by on just enough

And we drive for hours upon miles to see how long it takes
-------How long we can keep it up
-------And pretend it’s ok
You can’t put behind what wasn’t ever there
But it’s still there for meAnd I might be the only one saying it but I’m not the one you’d like to think I am.

I’m not the one you’d like to think I am
And not matter how hard I try, I can’t put you out of my mind

So we’ll circle navigate this town
And drive until we’ve heard all the songs
And finally given up on this time
-------We never were able to get it all out
Because I’m not the one you’d like to think I am
And you’ll never get out of my mind to see someone else, and something past all of this

Did you hear it's all my fault again

And always has been and always will be?
Because this is something that will always be on your terms.