Passed the point of no return?

Passed the point of no return?
Too many fake smiles and awkward silences.
I promise you it’s not your fault but I can’t explain it.
All I know is that I’ve sat and watched the clouds arrive and disappear.
I’ve seen my world crumble around me and watch friends turn to strangers.
You’re not alone when you feel like you’re losing the people closest to you.
There’s so much I’m afraid of and such a huge world out there screaming my name
There's so much out there and I'm so terrified of what could be and could've been
There's such a huge world out there and I'm so terrified but I don't know what I'm doing anymore, at all.

Brand New, what else.

The Brand New show was amazing! But there's no way something could've gone off without a hitch, so of course there's more to the story. A while ago I got my ticket, then picked up a ticket for Julio. We were pumped, and not just us. A lot of my friends were super excited to finally see Brand New. They were one of all our favorite bands and we'd finally get to see them! And not just that, but during summer! How cool! So everyone who was going had their tickets and that was like, the big thing. Before I go on, maybe I was just excited for everyone else, but I don't think I was alone in my excitement. Well it's like a week away and one of my friends can find the ticket for her and her sister. No big deal, just call the company who she got the tickets through, tell them what happened and everything will be fine, right? Well I guess not. This company doesn't do replacements, at all. What-ever. This is TOO lame! Well Julio calls me and was like, "I'm not going to go, take Erika with the ticket you got for me." Well Erika being the stubborn amazing sister she is refuses to go and wants Britney to go. Lame, but still cool, Britney is super cool, and we hadn't talked a whole lot before this. Ok, so we're on the way to go see Brand New finally. Pretty bummed out that Julio and Erika won't be joining us, but we're going anyways. Fast forward through the first two bands; Colour Revolt and Pistolitta. Brand New is finally up! Yes! Britney and I are determined to get up front, but there are a LOT of people and both of us are pretty small. I give up pretty quick and go head back, I've got no idea what she's doing. Brand New starts playing their songs, it's all things amazing bla bla bla then they play "Soco Amaretto Lime"!!! NO WAY!! The entire show was amazing, they played almost every song off of Deja Entendu (all of them except, "Good To Know That If I Ever Need Attention All I Have To Do Is Die.", and they played a few songs off of Your Favourite Weapon, a few new songs, and closed their set with, "Play Crack the Sky." Despite the little bit of awkwardness I just feel in general now, the concert was still one of the biggest highlights of my summer, and during "Soco" I just felt great. One of those, "this is summer break" moments. Of course it feels like summer, I've been lazy and it's hot and humid and there are always clouds around, but it hasn't really felt like summer break. A big part of that is my fault, but I won't take full responsibility just for being stubborn. I'm not going to touch on that this close to 3AM though. I need to get to bed.

A little rambling

So the past week or so I've had the most difficult of times falling asleep. I've been conciously trying to go to bed earlier in hopes of waking up earlier and getting on a more "normal"sleeping pattern. I guess it was last Saturday night/Sunday morning that really caught my attention, I was in bed right after work at about 2:whatever and didn't fall asleep till 4:30/ish. Holy cow that was terrible. There was also a night after that, was it Sunday night/ Monday morning I think, that I didn't fall asleep till 6:30 AM. That made me start thinking about the possibility of insomnia, so Tuesday night I went to bed at about 11:30PM or so and I was like, "right on, I'm really tired so I'll fall asleep right away." I was totally right, but I was awake at 4:30AM on the dot and never fell back asleep. Lame. Last night/ this morning was another lame night, I didn't fall asleep till about 4AM. When I go to bed it isn't like I'm not tired, I'm really really tired, so maybe being too tired is keeping me awake. I've also got a lot on my mind, nothing serious or anything, it's just that my mind is constantly racing from subject to subject, and I can't focus on anything to relax thinking about. Most of the time I've got music ideas going through my head, and last night was no exception so I went to go mess around at the piano for a while but that didn't help anything at all. I figured maybe I had a lot of emotions so I sat and wrote for a while and who would've guess, I fell asleep within minutes of writing in my notebook for a while.
Also, the past few late nights have been different compared to the same time of day a few weeks ago. I wasn't staying out late, usually with Krisy, like I usually was. I just realized this recently, and I bet that's a bit part of it. Also, even though I might not be up late with Krisy, I was up late Myspacing usually, so I spent about a half hour or so Myspacing before I got on good ol' Blogspot to pass some time.

I've also had a lot on my mind dealing with the possibility of me moving within the next year or so. I don't have any real plan or anything, so it's nothing more than an idea, but it would be so nice to go somewhere really far from here. There's nothing really specific that's making me want to move, just a general feeling, or lack there of. Nothing really feels like home to me here anymore. And with the exception of a very few people, the only thing keeping me here is school, and that's just because I want to have a little more finished before I take on a new challenge. I want to get some general type classes taken so I have a firmer foundation to work with. I'll also need some time to start seriously saving some money, and maybe even start investing in the stocks I get with Starbucks.
About the people I would miss; there are a few friends I would miss, and of course my family, but I can't say I'm extremely worried about losing the people I care about. I don't mean that in an arrogant sense, I'm just pretty sure that the people who really matter also care about me, and would work just as hard as me to stay in touch with each other ... I'd like to think so at least.

One more idea racing through my head is the thought of a tattoo on my body. I've wanted the same tattoo since the first part of last school year, just a simple heart somewhere on my torso. Regardless of how "girly" or whatever it might seem, a heart is a good reminder that someone somewhere loves me, which is something I have a hard time remembering sometimes. Signs and hidden messages are huge to me. The smallest thing could make a world of difference to me, and lately a few of my friends have been getting tattoos and I've seen a lot of programs dealing with tattoos. I'll probably think on the idea for a while before I do anything just because a tattoo is a lot of commitment. The idea sounds nice to me though.

I guess that's about it for this session of rambling. It's 2:21AM. I'm going to brush my teeth then take a shower and go straight to bed. Hopefully I'll be fast asleep by 3 and awake before noon.
Next big thing on my list of things is Brand New on Wednesday. You pumped, Julio? I know I am, and I'm pretty sure you're the only person who reads this. Hahaha!!